her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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