its not stalking. its research.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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