Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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