i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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