It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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