Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
