im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
