if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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