I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
