Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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