i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
