That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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