Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
