Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
