i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
