So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
