I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
