You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
