M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
