So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
