i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Will exercising make me less horny?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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