I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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