okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
