Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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