Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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