Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
