Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
This beer is not sobering me up at all
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
