i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
