What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
