just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
