maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
