i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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