My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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