do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
