You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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