I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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