its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
