drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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