Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
