I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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