it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize