Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize