They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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