is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just high enough for therapy.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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