Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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