I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
