my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
