You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
