Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
