It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
