The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
