Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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