Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
