; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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