so that wasnt chicken after all
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
