Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
