We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
