I heard we made out
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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