are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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