I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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