Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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