Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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