i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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