I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
