I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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