my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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